I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.
So I say, “My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
— Lamentations 3:17-26
After the nearly 16 years I spent paying Child Support, there are a few things that I definitely learned from this emotionally painful experience.
First of all, I believe that God was with me every step of the way. Although I’m fairly close to my retirement (Golden) years, I could’ve easily have wound up addicted to either drugs or alcohol, or maybe even dead (suicide?). A lot of guys in my same predicament, wind up moving back in with their parents – that particular option just wasn’t available for me nor would I want to pursue that type of arrangement. And had my youngest son not joined the military last November, I could’ve legally been on the hook for about five more years of Child Support payments. Lucky me, I guess.
Looking back over the past decade-and-a-half, I still don’t understand how I possible managed to make ends meet, financially speaking. At some points, I would take on seasonal full-time jobs, simultaneously along with my regular full-time job, and wind up sleeping or “just going through the motions” a lot of the time. Justifiably, I probably should’ve been terminated from some, if not all, of these gigs. God Almighty MUST’VE been looking out for my best interest.
Simply put, I was probably too set in my ways to live with a roommate, unless of course I ever got the opportunity to have my kids live with me again but that opportunity never took place. I probably would’ve loved the opportunity to have dated, but I barely had enough money to pay my Child Support and regular living expenses never mind pursuing any type of romantic love interest. My “social life” was relegated entirely to my kids and fellow church members in my congregation at the time.
I’m also extremely grateful that both my sons are fairly well prepared for adulthood. Do I think they’ll fall on their faces every once in a while? Absolutely, they’re not perfect so they’re probably going to stumble every now and then. I just refuse to accept the excuse that they may fail because they’re the byproducts of divorced parents or “a broken home”.
But my oldest is a graduate of one of the better colleges in Massachusetts, while my youngest will probably mature very quickly assuming he at least honors his initial military enlistment. How many American teenagers or 20-somethings, from either broken homes or “happy” homes, can honestly say they’ve reached either one of these plateaus in life?
Making my Child Support emancipation officially “Legal”
Within a span of about three weeks last year, my oldest son turned 23 and my youngest enlisted in the active duty military and entered into Basic Training (two stipulations of emancipation outlined in my Divorce agreement). So when I contacted the lawyer who handled my Divorce, she immediately informed me that her hourly rates were now set at $300. Realistically, between office visits, phone calls, her personal research on my situation, representing me in Court and, oh yeah, the time spent on her round-trip vehicle travel from her office to the Court and back, she probably would’ve billed me somewhere around a couple thousand bucks – which is a couple thousand bucks I don’t really have in my bank account.
So I called her secretary after a couple days and told her that I had problems coming up with the required up-front retainer fee. At this point, I decided to go it alone and represent myself. Pro se, I believe is the Latin term for this. I’m also well aware of the old cliché, “anyone who chooses to represent themselves in Court has a fool for a client”. Personally, I think the individual who initiated that cliché obviously assumes that everybody must have tons of money in the bank. Had I lost my case, I probably would’ve taken Prison over paying any further Child Support but not before I retained a less expensive attorney to somehow overturn the Court’s ruling.
Besides that, with a copy of my oldest son’s Birth Certificate and my youngest son’s military enlistment contract, I was fairly confident and felt I had all the “substantiating evidence” to prove my case.
I proceeded to go to the same Court I was Divorced, which is in Cambridge Mass., and I asked the Clerk for the proper procedure on filing a, “Complaint for Emancipation”. I was given a Court date about a month-and-a-half later, which ironically, was just two days after my youngest son entered his active duty military Basic Training. I had to pay the Court just under $60, and was required to pay a local area Constable just over $60 to serve my ex-wife with the Court paperwork.
On the same day my ex-wife was served with the Court paperwork, she phoned me and asked if she could sign some type of document and legally waive any challenge to contest this petition for child support emancipation, which she did in front of a Notary Public. From her standpoint, this made perfect sense – Why would she try to pursue further Child Support action against me in Court when we no longer had any “Child” who required any more financial support?
So from what I’ve stated thus far, you’d assume this case would be a real “slam dunk” in my favor, right? Well, if you assumed that, you’ve already assumed wrong.
Two days after my youngest son goes off to Basic Training in Texas, I go to Cambridge for “my day in Court”. Needless to say, there were about a hundred other people waiting to talk to the Judge about some type of modification to their Divorce agreement. When I finally got to talk to the Clerk, she gave me a couple more documents to fill out asking me stuff like my social security number, Driver’s License number, and employer’s phone number. Huh???? And when I showed this Clerk that I had a notarized letter from my ex wife stating that she was waiving her right to challenge me on the Child Support being emancipated, she told me that she would’ve had me fill out a financial disclosure statement but she’d let that go in light of my ex wife’s letter.
So why do I now feel, almost 16 years after the fact, that I’m going through my Divorce and subsequent Child Support all over again?
After filling out all these documents, I proceeded to give everything I had to the Clerk in the Probation Department. The lady there then told me to have a seat in the lobby area and someone would call me when they’re ready. After about 45 minutes of sitting there and checking out the latest stuff on my iPhone, some other lady from the Probation Department called my name and asked me to initial some statements on a paper she had. Apparently, while I was there waiting, the Court did a Police and Department of Motor Vehicle background check on me, as well as phoned my ex wife on her voicemail I assume to check the validity of her letter.
Un – BLEEPIN – believable!!!
First of all, it’s usually a rule in Court that if one of the parties (litigants) fail to show up, the party that does show up automatically wins. Not only did my ex wife provide me a notarized letter basically stating she would waive her right to challenge me in Court for any further Child Support, she was also served by an official Constable more than a month earlier informing her of this Court hearing. I also provided this Court with the document that the Constable signed stating that she was served, in-hand, with this paperwork. Hypothetically speaking, had my ex wife answered the phone when the Court clerk called that day, would the Court have sent a limousine – or maybe a Uber contractor – to go pick her up about 50 miles away for her Court appearance? Absolutely ridiculous!
Secondly, how difficult would it be for a Massachusetts Court Clerk to check the validity of a Massachusetts Notary Public? I would assume that’d be extremely simple. Unless they’re friends with that individual, a legitimate Notary Public would require some type of photo ID from that person prior to officially stamping a document.
Thirdly, I guess I was fortunate that I didn’t have any outstanding Warrants in my file. Otherwise, I would’ve gotten nailed right then and there via the background check. Over the years, I’m sure this Divorce court has literally heard all types of complaints from all types of folks, so maybe that’s a good way for them to seek out those with outstanding Warrants on other Civil or Criminal matters.
Fourthly, I was also fortunate that I happened to take this Court date as a vacation day, as opposed to a sick day from my employer. Otherwise, my employer probably would’ve issued some disciplinary action against me for abusing my sick time. Now I can probably understand the rationale of a Court investigating outstanding Warrants on a would-be litigant – but hassling someone’s employer is just a little over the line. Getting – and keeping – a good job in this day and time is so difficult with today’s economy. Besides that, in this particular case, what the hell difference does it make on whether I was “gainfully employed” or “on Welfare and Food Stamps” in light of what I was pursing to do in Court?
Fifthly, common sense would dictate that kids really mature within the span of 16 years. When I got Divorced my youngest son was 3 years old and today he’s in the U.S. military. Do you honestly need to conduct a Scotland Yard type investigation on whether or not my sons are legitimately “emancipated”?
Waiting even longer just to see the Judge
Now that the Probation Department finally provided me with a nice folder full of legal documents, I was officially off to the Court room to meet with the Judge who’d be hearing my case. Sitting in Court with a couple dozen others who were all waiting to do the same thing as me, the Judge soon left I assume to either go to the bathroom or smoke a cigarette. I saw some nice dressed people, I guess were lawyers, handing paperwork and talking to a female assistant of the Judge’s near his chamber area. I thought maybe I should probably go up and give this lady my folder – otherwise, I’d probably be in Court waiting to meet with the Judge a lot longer than I bargained for.
When I had talked to this lady, she told me that the Judge may issue me a “temporary” break on my Child Support. In my younger years, I probably would’ve yelled and insulted that lady right then and there. There was nothing “temporary” about my oldest son already being 23 and living on his own, or my youngest son being enlisted in the military. But knowing that I was representing myself, pro se, I couldn’t afford to lose this case on me acting stupid. I simply hoped and prayed that the Judge had more God-given common sense than his assistant.
After a few more minutes of even more “waiting”, I was finally called up to see the Judge. I told him of my sons’ situations and he commended me for having a son who was now serving in the military. Fortunately, he granted my “Complaint for Emancipation” within a couple of minutes.
My ex wife and I are still very much Divorced (although somewhat amicable) but the real tough part of that whole arrangement is now over and done with. Praise God for small miracles. If I ever was to remarry again, having any more kids is just not an option for me. That particular season of my life is definitely over and done with – thank God. Spending some “quality” time with grand-kids (wishful thinking on my part?) – now might be a different story.
In reality, I still plan to spend quite a bit of money on my sons (birthdays, Christmas get-togethers, weddings, Super Bowl parties, the birth of my grandchildren, etc.), but nothing even close to what I was forking out on Child Support payments since the turn of this century. After I’m dead and buried, my sons will probably be the beneficiaries of any earthly possessions I’ve got left but until that time comes, I hope to pursue some type of a “Bucket List” on the next chapter in this thing known as, My Life.
I just hope and pray that I’ve got a few more productive years left in me for some great and exciting experiences before I go on to meet my risen Lord and Savior.
We’ll see what happens.
One Bad Decision Away From Homelessness 