March 2, 2023
ABC’s The View will compose a written apology to Kyle Rittenhouse and his mother, Wendy Rittenhouse, and deliver it along with a check for $22 million. The Rittenhouse’s spokesman, Joe Barron, says the settlement didn’t take long and “wasn’t very difficult.”
Apparently, the show’s producers have been eager to settle the matter to get them away from all the bad press. In the past few months, story after story about Whoopi Goldberg’s suspensions and firings along with reports of more than 11 lawsuits filed have the show’s team wondering if it was worth it at all.
According to our records, the bulk of the attacks against The View come from sites pretending to be right-wing propaganda when actually they’re leftist trolls making fun of Trump supporters. None of the lawsuits have been true so far, but this one definitely is.
We promise.
The apology must include the words “Kyle Rittenhouse isn’t a murderer” at least four times, according to a friend with inside knowledge on several other matters. “What I don’t know is why the math is before the science,” said the source, “or what that even means.”
Our editors report that if the math is before the science, most likely none of it will make any sense, meaning Rittenhouse is definitely coming out ahead on this one.
God bless America.
One Bad Decision Away From Homelessness 